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“The first rule of fight club is you don’t talk about fight club.”
The first rule of 3MI, apparently, is you talk about it…a lot.
As you’ve probably heard or read or seen by now, 3MI is happening. So we’re working on a series of articles where we’ll take a look at Fight Club, the cult novel by Chuck Palahniuk, to give you some tips and tricks for the upcoming inspection. Yep, you read that right – I still don’t know how I got away with it.
Second round is the Hazardous Materials Users Guide (HMUG). So lick your lips shiny and kiss the back of your hand, cause we’re about to pour some lye of 3MI knowledge all over it.
Round 2: Hazardous Materials Users Guide
In chapter 8 of Fight Club, Tyler tells the narrator to get rid of Marla Singer, to send her to get some lye – “the flake kind of lye. Not the crystal kind.” This is supposedly to make soap. But Tyler has an ulterior motive. He always does.
According to Tyler, the narrator isn’t close to “hitting bottom” yet – whatever he means by that – and as a twisted sort of rite of passage, Tyler does something the narrator didn’t see coming. He licks his lips wet, kisses the back of the narrator’s hand and tilts a can of lye over it.
Here’s today’s excerpt from the novel:
“Tyler’s saliva did two jobs. The wet kiss on the back of my hand held the flakes of lye while they burned. That was the first job. The second was lye only burns when you combine it with water. Or saliva.
“‘This is a chemical burn,’ Tyler said, ‘and it will burn more than you’ve ever been burned.’
“You can use lye to open clogged drains.
“Close your eyes.
“A paste of lye and water can burn through an aluminum pan.
“A solution of lye and water will dissolve a wooden spoon.
“Combined with water, lye heats to over two hundred degrees, and as it heats it burns into the back of my hand, and Tyler places his fingers of one hand over my fingers, our hands spread on the lap of my bloodstained pants, and Tyler says to pay attention because this is the greatest moment of my life.”
Some “greatest moment,” huh?
While odds are there won’t be a maintenance requirement during 3MI that calls for the use of lye (the flake kind or crystal kind), there still might be a lesson to be taken from this.
In the narrator’s defense, I don’t think he knew the combination of lye and saliva would react the way it did. But although the novel doesn’t explicitly state it, I’m willing to bet that when the kiss of lye seared through the flesh on the back of his hand as he struggled with a failed attempt at guided meditation to get away from the excruciating pain, the following thought probably crept up into the poor guy’s mind: “Should’ve taken a look at the damn HMUG.”
According to resident Project Mayhem Maintenance expert, Fire Controlman 1st Class Carlos Aruz, the HMUG contains the guidelines for proper handling of hazardous materials (HAZMAT) and the protective equipment requirements to prevent injury.
Here are the key rules to follow when using the HMUG to perform maintenance and being spot checked.
Rules of 3MI Club (HMUG):
#1: Make sure you have the proper personal protective equipment (PPE)
When dealing with lye and saliva, the narrator should’ve used gloves. He didn’t. If you use the HMUG, you will know better – because hitting bottom is probably not in your plan of the day.
#2: Know the HAZMAT you’re working with
All HAZMAT are not created equal. Acetone and JP-5 are not the same thing. Don’t believe me? Try wiping off your out-of-regs nail polish with jet fuel and let me know how it turns out.
#3: Observe proper safety when dealing with HAZMAT
Some can be acidic, some flammable, some toxic. HAZMAT works in about the same way as people. The HMUG gives you an idea of the properties of the material and how to safely handle it. It doesn’t help with dealing with co-workers though, so use your own judgment for that Seaman Shippy McShipface situation in your shop.
#4: Dispose of HAZMAT properly
Have you ever seen one of those courtroom dramas from the 90’s where an evil corporation dumps green stuff in the water – starring the rising-star, goody-two-shoes lawyer with the redneck villain and the fat tattletale who throws the evil corporation under the bus at the end because of mother nature and justice and blonde puppies legally dressed in pink or something? Do you want to see another one? Then read rule number 4, again. Thank you.
#5: Follow guidance on proper use of HAZMAT
We’ve all heard the “read a step, do a step,” method for performing maintenance, but sometimes maintenance requirements cards have errors or don’t account for some factors, for whatever reason. This sometimes applies for HAZMAT related stuff. Common sense should be a thing in these cases but the HMUG also your back just in case – section 12 covers corrosives like lye, if you’re curious. You know, the HMUG rides for the squad, or whatever the kids are saying these days.
And there you have it. Simple. To the point. Marla Singer-proof. Now, promise you’ll check out our next edition of 3MI club on the Hellcat News sometime next week, ok? Do you promise? Are you sure you promise? Now remember, that was three times that you promised. I’m Joe’s itching anticipation!
| Date Taken: | 11.01.2017 |
| Date Posted: | 12.29.2017 20:15 |
| Story ID: | 260880 |
| Location: | U.S. 7TH FLEET AREA OF RESPONSIBILITY |
| Web Views: | 712 |
| Downloads: | 0 |
This work, 3MI Club: Lye and Vinegar, by PO1 Eduardo T Otero, identified by DVIDS, must comply with the restrictions shown on https://www.dvidshub.net/about/copyright.
