Photo By Kiersten McCutchan | Laura Hyten speaks with former U.S. Air Force Staff Sgt. Jasmine Sutton, 341st Missile...... read more read more
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Sometimes life can throw curve balls, however, one of the personality traits that makes service members especially unique is the ability to face adversity, adapt and overcome.
Jasmine Sutton, former 341st Missile Wing Judge Advocate staff sergeant, was challenged in such a way during her time on active duty.
In August 2010, the call to serve and a desire to fulfill family values propelled Sutton to enlist in the U.S. Air Force.
After completing basic training, Sutton arrived at her first duty station, excited and ready to begin her journey in her new career as a logistics readiness specialist.
However, shortly after arriving to the base in 2011, things changed for the Airman.
“I was raped by my supervisor,” Sutton confessed.
The assault occurred at a house party Sutton attended with her supervisor in an effort to fit in, make friends and to meet new people.
“I didn’t know anybody,” she explained. “I didn’t have a car. I didn’t have a roommate or a suitemate in the dorms so I didn’t know who I could hang out with.
“There was a lot of drinking involved and I noticed that everyone was starting to leave,” she continued. “And in the back of my head, I was really ready to go home. I don’t know the area. I don’t know anybody.
“And that’s when it all happened,” she said. “That was one of the most difficult times in my life.”
“It was difficult for multiple reasons,” Sutton continued. “I blamed myself, a lot. I did that because, you know, I’m 25; I’m old enough to understand how to get out of situations.”
“I asked myself, ‘Why didn’t you kick and scream? Why didn’t you punch him? Why didn’t you do something? At that moment all I could feel was emptiness,” she revealed. “I was numb. I wasn’t really there.”
Sutton admitted, “I was really hard on myself. What made the situation even worse was that people saw him as this ‘top Airman’; they thought he was so great.”
She continued to describe how her supervisor began to harass her at work and during professional mentor to subordinate settings, during feedback sessions and (enlisted performance reports.)
“He would slap me on the butt or rub my shoulders or take me into the warehouse where nobody would see and just touch me in the workplace,” she said.
“I could feel myself wanting to cry for help, but it just wouldn’t come out for some reason.”
She said, again, she blamed herself for her inability to speak up, to tell someone that something was wrong and that she was being treated inappropriately.
“It took a lot for me to open up, to express myself,” Sutton said. “I internalize everything. I already blamed myself and thought I was at fault anyway so it was really hard for me to come forward.”
Sutton said it wasn’t until she mentioned her experience to one of her coworkers that she began to see the situation for what it actually was: a traumatic event.
“I remember [when I told my coworker about it] thinking that it wasn’t a big deal. I didn’t expect anything to happen. I think it was just a way of me getting it out and venting.
“I was expecting her to tell me I was at fault.”
However, Sutton was surprised.
What followed was a series of events Sutton could never have expected.
What she had prepared for was a reprimand, to be told she was in the wrong and ultimately responsible for her own self and that she should have had the power to prevent her assault.
“I was so nervous I was shaking; I thought I was in trouble,” she said, when her superintendent asked to speak with her and her new supervisor about the accusations against her rapist. “Instantly, my body just froze. Instantly, I just started panicking.”
“I’ll never forget that superintendent; he is awesome. He said, ‘I heard something happened to you.’”
And Sutton said in that moment she lost her composure and began sobbing, sharing her anguish along with the superintendent.
“He was fighting back tears,” she said. “That showed me that he really cared about me. At that point, I felt I couldn’t trust anybody.”
“I thought (rape) was something that happened [in the civilian world,]” Sutton revealed. “I thought that the military has held to a higher standard. I was disappointed.”
She said because of the negative event she had endured she had begun to think negatively not only of all leadership, but of all noncommissioned officers.
“I was distraught,” she said. “But we talked it through.”
At the encouragement of the superintendent, Sutton approached the Air Force Office of Special Investigations and pursued justice for herself.
An investigation was launched later that year and Sutton testified in court against her attacker.
“I had to point him out in a courtroom,” she said. “That day, I had no idea where my strength came from, but I knew that if I didn’t share what happened to me that it could potentially happen to someone else.”
Afterward, Sutton said that several people approached her and thanked her, and said they were proud of her for coming forward and being so brave because the accused had also assaulted other victims.
“It put a lot of pressure on me at first, but at the same time, I knew that this was something that I had to do for me,” she said. “If I stayed numb, if I stayed silent, that this loser was going to continue to do this to someone else. There was no way in hell I was going to allow that to happen.”
During the course of the investigation, Sutton said most of the interactions with other individuals she experienced were positive and supportive, however, there were a few instances where her original fears came to fruition.
“During the investigation, an acting first sergeant said to me, ‘Well, maybe you shouldn’t have been there.’ And I was just like, are you serious? A senior noncommissioned officer basically said it was my fault.”
“And that put me in a dark place,” she continued. “I was trying to put my faith in leadership. I was trying to understand what was happening, and for someone to do that to me was just ridiculous. It was baffling to me.”
However, justice came to be served. Sutton’s rapist was reduced in rank, pay, received a dishonorable discharge and also had to register himself as a sex offender as a civilian.
Even though her attacker had been punished, Sutton said the sentencing wasn’t as much of a relief as she had hoped it would be.
“I was glad I told my story, but at the same time, I was questioning myself again; did I do the right thing, was it my fault, did I do something to initiate the situation,” Sutton confessed. “And that stuck with me, for years.”
In 2013, Sutton decided to cross train into the paralegal career field.
“I felt that I could make a difference,” Sutton said.
Unfortunately, Sutton’s follow-on assignment was the same base her trial had been conducted at.
“It was pretty weird,” she recalled. “Working in the same office where the perpetrator [was convicted of his crime]
During that time Sutton came across her casefile at work and had an anxiety attack due to her post-traumatic stress disorder, she said.
“I just couldn’t shake that,” she said. “The only way I felt I could get through that was to do something off base.”
Sutton tried to immerse herself in positive activities but instead of using that positivity to influence and strength her recovery process she used the muses as an escape from her pain.
“I sang in a choir,” she said. “I lost myself in art and music.”
“I wasn’t really getting help for it,” she admitted. “[I was working as a paralegal and had changed duty stations] and started seeing more rape cases and more assault cases everything was coming back to me.”
“I thought I was battling it on my own and I thought I was doing a pretty good job of it but on the inside I was a wreck,” Sutton confessed. “I wasn’t ok. I don’t know why I kept telling myself that I was ok.”
“It actually took me becoming a special victims paralegal to realize that it was affecting me more than I thought,” she conceded.
She said taking on that role was a chance and had reservations about doing so, but ultimately she is very glad she took that risk.
It led her to finally begin the path of healing and recovery.
“I felt that I could relate in helping women and men get through a traumatic experience [as a source to talk to] not realizing that I hadn’t dealt with my own trauma,” she admitted.
Eventually, though, Sutton finally said to herself, “Enough is enough.”
Sutton began looking into utilizing mental health services.
“In the military, there is that stigma against mental health that going to mental health is going to ruin your career,” Sutton said. “And here I was, this four-year paralegal, and me not wanting going to mental health to dictate my career. I wanted to be in charge of my career.”
Sutton said she struggled trying to decide whether to continue suffering on her own and trying to make the best of it or taking the risk and seek mental health services, but she had realized things were getting worse by herself.
“I decided to go to metal health, and I can honestly say that it was the best thing to ever happen to me,” she said.
“I’m not saying this because I’m trying to promote it or someone is putting me up to this it’s because I contemplated suicide,” she stressed. “I was depressed. I was unhappy. I was withdrawn from people. And that’s not a good thing.”
“I think it is important for victims to focus on where they want to go and where they want to be in life [instead of suffering and dwelling alone,]” she said.
“I wanted to be successful, to be happy, to be loved and to be an inspiration to others,” she declared.
“People who are having a problem expressing themselves or seeking help because of stigmas or nay-sayers, trust me, if this girl form the south side of Chicago can go and get some help despite everything, I know you can do it.”
“It was a tough experience going into mental health but it was the best experience,” Sutton gleamed. “I put in the work to get better. It was scary at first and it was very uncomfortable but I know that to go higher in life, I had to do some uncomfortable things.”
“That’s how I decided to take charge of my life,” she said. “To take power back. To not be a victim of a situation and circumstance. To inspire others and to live my life to the best of my abilities.”
Sutton finished, “I know I have great potential. I know I’m going places.”
| Date Taken: | 02.13.2019 |
| Date Posted: | 02.13.2019 17:06 |
| Story ID: | 310587 |
| Location: | MALMSTROM AIR FORCE BASE, MONTANA, US |
| Web Views: | 125 |
| Downloads: | 0 |
This work, Sexual assault victim defies stigma by seeking mental health services, by SSgt Magen M. Reeves, identified by DVIDS, must comply with the restrictions shown on https://www.dvidshub.net/about/copyright.
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