Courtesy Photo | Victoria Tyler, a survivor of domestic violence and a Fort Bragg Family member, finds...... read more read more
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FORT BRAGG, N.C. - “If I can look back at my younger self, I would have left the first time he looked at me the wrong way,” said Victoria Tyler, Fort Bragg Family member and a survivor of domestic abuse.
Tyler met her then-husband in 2005 when she was 18 years old and he was 23. He was a Sailor in the Navy and had orders to go to Naval Air Station Pensacola. Within three months of meeting each other, they moved to Florida and were married.
“I didn’t tell anyone; my Family didn’t know him,” she said. “The abuse started with yelling. When he would come home from work, he would yell. I went through a lot of financial and emotional abuse.”
Tyler said after she became pregnant and gave birth to their daughter, the abuse escalated.
“He started pushing me and punching holes in the walls,” she said. “I knew this wasn’t right. I had no friends, no money, no car, and no job, but there was a part of me that hoped he would change. He would apologize, but it kept happening.”
Tyler said she eventually left and stayed with her mother in North Carolina after a few years of marriage, but the cycle of abuse did not end.
“He would call my friends at home, my mom, and my job when I started working,” she said. “He poured his heart out to anyone who would listen. He begged me to come home and bring the baby back. He sweet-talked me to come back home, and I did. I went back.”
After returning home, Tyler said there appeared to be no issues at first, but the abuse began again.
“I don’t remember what made him angry, but I remember he took our dining room table and threw it through the sliding glass door from the second floor balcony. Glass was everywhere. It was in my hair, in my bra, in my baby’s diaper.”
Tyler said she had left the relationship many times, staying at shelters and sleeping in hospitals. She said he threatened her if she exposed his abuse to his leadership.
“He would tell me that if I tell his command, they would bust him down in rank,” she said. “He said that he would lose his job. I believed everything he said. I wanted to believe that I could have a happy Family with him. I was very naïve.”
Tyler said she eventually started telling. She spoke with Fleet and Family Services, the Family services program in the Navy, the police, and the Department of Family Services in her local area.
“Fleet and Family Services were a huge help,” she said. “They put him in classes and workshops, but none of it worked. I filed a police report; the restraining orders didn’t work. I didn’t have the nerve to file for a divorce. I felt trapped because I didn’t have a job, and I didn’t want to be homeless.”
Tyler added that she was raped, choked, bitten, and beaten, but the last attack was the most violent.
“It was in front of my mom, and he put me in the hospital,” she said. “I don’t remember what caused it, but he started beating me, punching me in the face, and slammed my head into the wall. My mom had to pull him off of me. He went upstairs, and I ran behind him to get my cell phone to call the cops. He was going to get his gun, and the only reason he didn’t shoot me was because I had already called the police. When the ambulance pulled up at my house, my neighbors watched me being pulled on a gurney. All of this happened because I thought he loved me. That was rock bottom.”
Tyler lost vision in her left eye on the way to the hospital. With the help of her mother, she filed for charges and a divorce.
“My mother was the one who pushed me,” Tyler said. “She said you are filing for a divorce today. I needed that. I needed a strong woman to help me. It took me 10 years to leave, and deep down inside, I knew it had to be done.”
Tyler said she returned to North Carolina, where her Family lives. She went to the Soldier Support Center on Fort Bragg, where she bumped into a caseworker with the Family Advocacy Program under Army Community Services.
“It was by chance I met her,” she said. “I was there to get my ID card. I don’t know how I bumped into her, but she told me about this program that can help victims get on their feet. She helped me get my paperwork done, gather documents. They completely changed my life and my kids’ life.”
Sabrina Hayes, a FAP team member, said that it offers Soldier and Families resources and support such as life-skills and parenting classes.
“The Family Advocacy Program has victim advocates who offer crisis intervention, safety assessments, coordinating of emergency services, and assistance through medical, investigative, and legal process, to include assisting with completing and filing a civilian domestic violence protective order” Hayes said. “We are with the survivor every step of the way.”
Hayes, who once was a victim advocate helping others through crisis situations, added that FAP is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week for victims of domestic abuse.
“We partner with neighboring counties to help guide survivors of domestic abuse to additional resources if they reside outside of Fort Bragg,” she said. “Our partners include Cumberland, Moore, Harnett, and Hoke.”
Tyler credits FAP for helping her Family.
“FAP saved my life,” Tyler said. “There are people who will help you. To others who may be in an abusive situation like I once was, you are a survivor. But, at some point, if you want to live, you have to leave. That is the only way. There is hope; there are people out there willing to help, but you just have to take that first step.”
Since then, Tyler has remarried and found a new perspective of a healthy marriage.
“I married my best friend,” Tyler said. “He has shown me and my children what a healthy life without abuse looks like.”
The Victim Advocate Hotline is (910) 322-3418. To learn more about FAP, visit https://bragg.armymwr.com/programs/fap.
| Date Taken: | 11.05.2020 |
| Date Posted: | 11.05.2020 14:19 |
| Story ID: | 382432 |
| Location: | FORT BRAGG, NORTH CAROLINA, US |
| Web Views: | 181 |
| Downloads: | 0 |
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