Photo By Ronald Wolf | The Office of the Army Surgeon General and U.S. Army Medical Command hold regular...... read more read more
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The Office of the Army Surgeon General and U.S. Army Medical Command hold regular leadership seminars to support their Leader Development Program. The goal is to build agile, adaptive leaders for today's environment by sharing the learning, teaching, insights, and personal development experiences of senior military and civilian mentors.
On November 18, 2021, Cheri Najor, MSW, CSW, a licensed family therapist and founder of the Center for Peak Performance, addressed the leadership audience. Najor has 30 years of experience as a licensed family therapist. She partners with leaders who want to learn how to strengthen their relationships with others through the use of emotional intelligence. She continued her virtual discussion of emotional intelligence and the subtopic, “emotional management.”
Emotions are the “invisible power that moves all of us,” Najor said. “Everything we do is to move toward a feeling that feels good or away from a feeling that doesn’t feel good.”
Najor reviewed the basics of emotional intelligence from her previous discussion.
According to Najor, emotional intelligence is:
-- The ability to perceive emotional intelligence in other people
-- The ability to use emotions properly
-- Understanding emotions
-- The ability to manage emotions — emotional control.
“We know more about our smart phones than we do about emotions. I’d like to change that today,” Najor said. “There are two things I’d like to share with you that can change your life.”
“I’m going to share with you the number 1 reason we have difficulty in managing our emotions. In addition, I’m going to share with you powerful strategies that are game changers that are proven and can and will make a difference in your life,” she said.
Najor provided five statements for the audience to answer as true-or-false:
-- There are good and bad emotions. (The answer, false).
-- When making important decisions, it’s best to leave emotion out. (False. Suppressing emotions intensifies them).
-- Does naming emotions reduce their intensity? (True. Naming emotions decreases your brains emotional circuitry when you name it. The more names you have to define your emotions, the more power you have over them.)
-- Emotions are contagious. (True.)
-- Sharing your feelings is a sign of weakness. (False.)
Najor pointed out there are six basic emotions: fear, anger, surprise, happy, disgust, and sad. What causes emotions is your perception of an event, based on your past experiences. You create your emotions. And how you feel emotionally impacts what you do.
The number 1 reason why we struggle with our emotions, she said, is because we have been taught to react to emotional stressors, rather than manage them.
Another reason you may struggle with emotions is “experiential blindness,” which is the inability to create meaning based on what you see. If you don’t have any context, you cannot make sense of what you experience.
You make sense of the world based on your past experiences and concepts you have learned. That is how it creates meaning. After your brain does that, you can identify objects.
We create emotions the same way. You take in data through the senses. The data goes to the part of the brain where emotions reside. That information then is used to make decisions. You match your experience with an emotion.
Your emotions are not uncontrollable reactions to triggers from the outside world. Your brain takes information from your body and compares it to your past experiences to create an emotion. Your brain stores concepts that represent your past experiences, so your sensory input can make sense.
Your present perceptions create how you feel. How you feel impacts what you do. You are not at the mercy of your emotions. You create them, Najor said.
Finally, Najor suggested “game-changing’” ideas to become “bulletproof.”
1. Choose a behavior or feeling you want to change or improve. “Root yourself in who you want to be,” Najor said. You could create a mantra. Hers for situations where she feels “reactive” is this: “I am calm, I am clear, I am courageous, and I am compassionate.” My words that I have chosen are rooted in my values, she said.
2. Conduct mental rehearsals. Your brain doesn’t know the differences between what’s real and what’s imagined. Once you decide how you want to behave and who your best self is, you can rehearse. Visualize how you’re going to behave. Rehearse in advance for a situation, including the words you might say for that situation.
3. Apply the Stockdale paradox, named after James Stockdale who spent more than 7 years as a prisoner of war in Vietnam. Stockdale used the power of his mind and believed in his unwavering faith to prevail against brutal reality would help him survive. Rather than simply be optimistic, you should “be optimistic but keep it real.” Optimism should be rooted in reality, she said.
4. Don’t take the bait. If you feel yourself starting to get hooked, discipline yourself. Mentally rehearse what you might say. For example: “I’m not going to respond right now because I don’t want to say anything I’ll regret.” Then walk away.
5. Gray rock is a technique with really toxic people. Think of yourself like a gray rock. Become a gray rock, exchange no information, have no reaction, don’t share thoughts, keep everything light. The more a toxic person tries to engage you, the lighter you become.
6. The last one is “own it.” The words that we use reflect how we feel and what we believe. Don’t say “traffic stresses me out” or “he makes me crazy.” Change your language. Instead say something such as “I create stress when I’m around Joe” or “I create so much sadness.”
For leaders, how is all this of great value?
“Emotional intelligence is at the heart of leadership,” Najor said. “It’s the key to success, great relationships, and amazing outcomes. The person with the most emotional tools wins.”
| Date Taken: | 02.15.2022 |
| Date Posted: | 02.17.2022 11:46 |
| Story ID: | 414691 |
| Location: | US |
| Web Views: | 131 |
| Downloads: | 0 |
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emotional intelligence; management of emotions; leadership; leadership training
