Photo By Petty Officer 1st Class Samantha Jetzer | 230424-N-ML137-1020 KEKAHA, Hawai‘i (April 24, 2023) Lt. Steven Sallinger, a pilot...... read more read more
“One of the thoughts that I had was, ‘they'll be happier or better off if I'm not here.’ I couldn't think of one person who wanted me to be there.”
Lt. Steven Sallinger, a pilot assigned to Pacific Missile Range Facility, Barking Sands, describes what he calls his journey down the road of mental health crisis while he was an enlisted Sailor working as a nuclear electrician’s mate on submarines.
“I want to say to that Sailor who's having that mental crisis that I want you here. Even if you can't think of anybody else, Lieutenant Sallinger, ‘Trash Panda’ (his call sign) extraordinaire, wants you here. I don't care who you are. I'll take the hit on readiness or take the hit on the maintenance program or the next inspection, it doesn't matter to me. As long as you're still around.”
Sallinger recalled a time where there weren’t mental health programs available outside of chaplain services when he was an enlisted service member. But now there are more mental health and suicide prevention programs that have been initiated in the Navy. He wishes to inform his Sailors about the ways that they are able to seek help that he believes could have helped save him during his crisis.
“The culture that we used to have was one of if you're having trouble, just grit it, bare it. No one really talked about their mental struggles.”
He explained how he and and his fellow shipmates all began to head down this spiral towards suicidal ideations. They were working very long hours, often over 90 hours a week. It was difficult to find the necessary time for self care like exercise, sleep, or spending time with loved ones. The mentality at the time was if you can’t handle the pressure, you’re not good enough. Since they were all going through the same experience, they began to feed into each other’s thoughts.
“The conversations at work got darker and darker. Eventually we got to the point where the jokes about how we would commit suicide were no longer jokes, we were starting to take passive actions.”
He began writing down a list explaining how he was going to take action. As a jokester by personality, he wanted it to be inventive. So, he needed lots of supplies and planning. He said he named the list “The Best Suicide Ever,” which he now realizes was a cry for help. The person who brought him out of his spiral was his wife at the time, who found the list in his uniform pocket while doing laundry. She had called the chaplain’s office, and didn’t confront him until a treatment plan had been formed.
“Looking back, I think I labeled it as, ‘Oh, I was just joking. I was kidding.’ It was my family who caught my passive actions and took them seriously, more seriously than I did. They forced me to get help. That's when things flipped, like everything changed.”
Now it’s been over 10 years since his suicidal ideations. His experience has inspired him to want to do better in observing when the people around him are struggling, and to be there for his shipmates when they begin showing signs of mental health issues. He said that he’s been a bystander while he watched his fellow shipmates go down into these darker thoughts, thinking that it was fine. The old culture was all about work and getting the job done with little to no room for asking and receiving help when needed. His command used derogatory terms to refer to people who began to not feel themselves, saying that they went “sad panda” or needed to go “sad out.” He’s amazed by how much the culture has shifted today into a direction which is much more understanding of the struggles that Sailors go through.
“Now, I'm able to say ‘not today.’ I take the time to take care of myself, take care of my family. Then I can take care of what the Navy needs me to take care of. And that kind of mentality is fostered in today's Navy. It's very inspiring. I just want every Sailor to understand there is so much help out there.”
While he was in flight school after being accepted into an officer program, Sallinger would consciously make sure to check up on the other pilots and to be present if they were going through hard times. He said he hadn’t experienced having to step up and take action from someone heading too far down the road until he was assigned to a fleet squadron.
“[This Sailor] had been on a silent spiral. He's one of those like me, very jovial people, very outgoing. He hadn't changed that facade at work, but at home, he was a different person. He had basically split his life in half.”
One of his other shipmates had noticed some warning signs and went over to this Sailor’s house to check up on him. He found that it was a mess, with whiskey bottles everywhere. This Sailor said that it was what made him get through the day. Sallinger got the call and was able to ensure that this Sailor made it to the emergency room. He informed the chain of command and activated aids that are now available through the Navy’s Suicide Prevention Program.
“The Navy is committed to getting you the help. If I'm not advertising it, then I'm not doing my job. The Navy is very, very focused on preventing loss of life via mental health and suicide. They want to get the Sailors the help they need when they need it.”
Something Sallinger wishes all Sailors knew about mental health in the Navy is that it’s OK to seek help. In fact, it’s encouraged. Knowing that someone could be a danger to themselves or others shouldn’t be kept hidden, and the Navy has pledged to help Sailors seek the care they need. Fears such as losing a security clearance or a billeted slot at the command are not something that should prevent someone from seeking help.
“There's no ‘I’m too far gone.’ It feels like you're alone. It feels like you're the only one fighting through this. It feels like you're on a path and there's only one exit. I know that feeling. You're not alone. There's tons of off-ramps. I'll come grab you in the middle of the night. I don't care what it takes. But I just want the Sailors to understand that they're not the first person to have experienced this.”
Sallinger reiterates that there shouldn’t be any apprehension when declaring that someone needs help due to the job requirements or stigma about mental health from peers. He explains how the Navy’s not going anywhere. The job will be here when they come back, and the command will be better off that they gave someone the time they needed to address the issue. The shipmates a Sailor works with, as well as the rest of the command, would take a much bigger hit should the unthinkable happen and they lose a shipmate.
“I don't care if you're an E-1 and you want to come talk to me and kick down my door. I’m happy to chat. It’s always open. Even though I might not always be at work, I'm always available.”
If you or someone you know is in crisis, contact the Military Crisis Line by dialing 988 and pressing 1, or access the online chat by sending a text to 838255. There are additional resources available at www.militaryonesource.mil or through your command’s suicide prevention program.
| Date Taken: | 05.12.2023 |
| Date Posted: | 05.22.2023 20:55 |
| Story ID: | 444676 |
| Location: | KEKAHA, HAWAII, US |
| Web Views: | 96 |
| Downloads: | 2 |
This work, The Road Towards Mental Health Crisis, Finding the Off-Ramp, by PO1 Samantha Jetzer, identified by DVIDS, must comply with the restrictions shown on https://www.dvidshub.net/about/copyright.
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