Photo By Master Sgt. Jason Wilkerson | Center for Law and Military Operations Director Lt. Col. Mike Lamphier shares his...... read more read more
CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. – “I sought help, but I waited way too long,” said Lt. Col Mike Lamphier. The Center for Law and Military Operations Director shared his mental health journey with The Judge Advocate General’s Legal Center and School during a recent Holistic Health and Fitness (H2F) Leader Development Program. “I have found that when I share my journey there are many out there who are like me but still wear the mask of everything is just fine.”
Lamphier very candidly detailed his struggles with depression, anxiety, paranoia and post-traumatic stress injury (PTS) to help overcome the stigma of mental health within the military. “I go back to late 2010. I’ve been home from Iraq for a while. I was a trial counsel and operational law attorney with a Brigade Combat Team in Iraq,” said Lamphier. “My wife, she’s the one who started saying hey you’re really short with us, you’re short with the kids. You get up and you leave. And you’re gone.
“And I would. I would walk away. Walk for two to three hours a night sometimes. Just to get away. I was all about leaving. As I reflect over the years, this was the start of the fight or flight response that would become ingrained in me.”
Without realizing it was a classic symptom of PTS, Lamphier also remained hypervigilant for years. “Whenever I walk into a room; I would look for exits. I would look for something I could use as a weapon if I needed to. I would even do that in church,” confessed Lamphier. “When a shooter comes in, am I going to charge, am I going to run? I’m sizing up the people next to me. I don’t remember when I actually realized I was doing this. It was just constant, constant, constant.
“That led to wanting to numb myself through alcohol. I realized that this was my 'escape' to block out thoughts, get to sleep quickly, and for a moment during the day not suffer anxiety. Clearly this was counterproductive to long term healing but, at the time, I just needed to get through the moment. Eventually, through therapy, I stopped drinking and that has helped me tremendously to become intentional about my behavioral health recovery. I now seek healthy outlets to deal with these issues. Exercise, diet, yoga, meditation, breathing techniques, and talking about my journey has been extremely helpful, though I always feel a little awkward about bringing it up.”
For over a decade, Lamphier relied on the coping mechanisms of avoidance, hypervigilance and self-medication to blunt the debilitating toll of PTS. He reached a tipping point a couple of years ago, which forced him to finally seek a behavioral health specialist. “I was in the gym, got my earbuds in listening to music. They had just reinstituted the COVID mask protocol. I stopped and turned around. Probably where the tip of my fingers (reaching his arm out) there was a guy standing there. Within a second, I sized him up, noticed his gait and immediately planned how to take him down and dispatch the perceived threat,” said Lamphier. “I did not carry this through, but realized this was my fight in ‘fight or flight’ to the extreme. I took my earbuds out and he told me I had to wear a mask, I complied and walked away.
“I went back to the locker room, no one was there. I started sobbing. It was at that moment I realized I have serious problems, and that I can no longer ignore this.”
That scary revelation served as a wakeup call. “I genuinely believed my career was over. My world had crashed, I knew I was not in a good place mentally, and overall health wise. Additionally, I had all the symptoms of vertigo and migraines every single day for nearly eight months, that led me to seeing many medical specialists. This really was my final lifeline as I felt I had nothing left to lose. Years and years of anguish and at that moment, I’d given up,” recalled Lamphier. “I go to behavioral health. I’m seeing this guy every week for two to three months. I told him I don’t even care if I lose my clearance. I’m good with that. In my mind, my career was done.”
Thankfully, the trauma behavioral specialist reassured Lamphier that given his trifecta of risk factors, what he was experiencing was absolutely normal. “When I saw him, he said you have already had at least two documented TBI (traumatic brain injury) incidents in the Army,” said Lamphier. “That combined with PTS is a recipe for disaster. And you have a close family member who’s committed suicide. You are off the charts at risk for suicide. He looked at me and said you’re not losing your clearance.”
Statistics from the National Center for PTSD show that nearly a third of veterans who served in Operations Iraqi Freedom (OIF) and Enduring Freedom (OEF) are diagnosed with PTS in their lifetime. “I went through some stuff that was not fun,” shared Lamphier. “I did not understand why I felt the way that I did, to include sometimes crying for what I thought was no reason. While I still struggle, I am intentional about what I do, what I expose myself to, and focus on the tools I have learned that work for me. I am not ‘cured’ but have embraced this lifelong journey of recovery to hopefully help others seek help early.”
Like many others serving in the military, Lamphier resisted seeking help until it was almost too late. “One of the reasons I didn’t want to say anything is because I’m a Soldier, we Soldier on,” said Lamphier. “For me as a leader, I’m not coming forward. I’ll muscle through it. It’s fine.”
“Another reason why I didn’t come forward for a long time is who am I to have this problem. Seriously, I’m financially stable, married with kids, have two arms, two legs, my body isn’t burnt, I’m a lawyer with food on the table. I am unworthy to come forward and talk about stuff, so I didn’t.”
Fears about career ramifications also stopped Lamphier. “I intentionally never sought help, even after my second diagnosed TBI when I lost consciousness, because I was concerned about how that would impact my security clearance, and ultimately my next job,” said Lamphier. “I’m not going to see anybody because I’m not going to lie on the SF-86 (questionnaire for national security) or the interview.”
Dr. Marjorie Campbell, section chief for prevention and early intervention at the Defense Health Agency’s Psychological Health Center of excellence, says these are all barriers to care. “They worry they won’t be able to deploy, or will get separated out of the military, or that their unit leaders will find out about their diagnosis and perceive them as weak or make fun of them,” said Campbell. “And, although sometimes those things happen, in general, we found that service members’ perceptions of these barriers are not accurate. This is not a career ender.”
When Lamphier finally overcame those fears, his behavioral health specialist recommended a program called TRIOP (Trauma Intensive Outpatient Treatment Program), a five-week evidence-based program at Landstuhl designed to help service members deal with the lasting effects of traumatic events.
“I’m blessed that I was able to attend the program,” said Lamphier. “Different ranks, different services, similar time in the military. The one thing that stood out to me was that we all had different experiences, but our symptoms were nearly identical. Within two days, we were a band of brothers. We could share anything. It was amazing, and life changing. For me, group therapy was essential on my road to recovery.”
Lamphier tries to exemplify the servant leadership that was shown him. “I had one individual who called me when I was stationed at Fort Campbell. He said ‘Hey Mike, this is Joe [as in now TJAG Lt. Gen. Berger]. How are you doing?’ I quickly recognized the voice as DJAG and felt like I needed to stand at attention in my car,” recalled Lamphier. “And then, at my next assignment when I was sick and going through treatment he knew of my situation and again called to check in. It was a short conversation, but he said your whole job is just to get better. That’s all it is. If it works out and you get better, great. We’ll put you back in and you’re good to go. If it doesn’t work out, not a problem, we’ll figure it out. These experiences have shown me that words matched actions with this senior leader and was a huge relief at a time when I was seriously struggling.”
Lamphier did start on the long road to recovery. A journey that continues to this day. “Over the years I have learned more about me, and counseling has helped me in many areas to include learning why I am wired the way I am. My biggest passion is helping others in almost any capacity,” said Lamphier. “There is no type of person or task that is beneath me wanting to help and make a difference.”
Nowadays Lamphier spends his off-duty time volunteering as a firefighter. “It’s a 12-hour night shift once a week, and a 24- or 48-hour weekend shift every five weeks. Honestly, I did not know this was a thing. Once I found out about it, I knew I would love it,” said Lamphier. “Being a firefighter puts you in situations where you are helping someone on likely one of their worst days. You are a true team that is bonded by making sure your buddy is safe and helping the community in saving lives and property.”
Whatever his future in the Army, Lamphier puts his team first, but realizes you also must take care of yourself. “You have to get to know your people. See if they are off. There is nothing wrong with that. You must also lead by showing that it is okay to seek professional help, even if that means you are away from your team. Is there a stigma? Absolutely,” said Lamphier. “But I challenge you to get help, even if you don’t feel like you need it. First thing is to be vulnerable about how you feel, even if you think you are not worthy to feel a certain way. Talking to people you will quickly find out there are many like you who suffer in silence and wear the mask that everything is great. If there is something going on, don’t get to the point where your body is breaking down and life is miserable. Have the courage to take the next step. If not for you, for your family and your team.”
If you or someone you know needs help, there are resources available:
www.ptsd.va.gov
www.health.mil/phcoe
| Date Taken: | 09.13.2024 |
| Date Posted: | 09.13.2024 16:25 |
| Story ID: | 480823 |
| Location: | CHARLOTTESVILLE, VIRGINIA, US |
| Web Views: | 224 |
| Downloads: | 0 |
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