Life is a mix of successes and challenges, love and heartbreak, growth and setbacks, life and death. While it may sound appealing to have an easy life with no struggles, there is beauty in the grit, broken pieces, and fragility. It reminds me of the Japanese art of kintsugi where the pieces are fused together highlighting the cracks, not hiding them, to create something unique.
“Painful events aren’t the exception, it’s a guarantee,” said Lt. Cmdr. Gregory Regts, Behavioral Health Department Head at U.S. Naval Hospital Rota. “We don’t often show up to life in that way.”
Regts explains that these events and emotions – both good and bad – make up the lived human experience. He further emphasizes the necessity of both sides of the emotional spectrum by asking the philosophical question of whether joy could exist without the context of the opposite emotion.
My childhood and early young adult life was virtually untouched with life seemed a perfect, beautiful piece of pottery. I moved cross-country after college graduation for a job in military recreation. It was my first time living outside Ohio, so I was excited to share my new home with my family when they came to visit. I only wish the trip ended as happily as it started. During their visit, an out-of-control car crushed not only my ankle and vehicle but took the life of my mom. In a matter of seconds, life as I had known it had shattered.
Those initial days after the accident were overwhelming and filled with pain, grief, and anger while still trying to understand my new reality of a life without my mother.
“Acceptance is tough,” he said. “Sometimes we hear it and think we need to be ok with what happened, or that it’s a passive thing. Acceptance is a very active attempt to change our relationship to the pain itself and to the unwanted circumstances.”
By accepting the current reality of the situation, you will create an openness and remain present which will be required to begin to move forward again.
The saying “time heals all wounds” holds some truth to it, though I believe it’s allowing the new reality to become more cemented in your daily life and thoughts. There was the added burden that I was not only trying to collect the shattered pieces of my life, I was also navigating medical care, recovery, and mental fallout. This all left me feeling broken and unable to see a future without pain and hurt. Regts acknowledged that the perceived perception that we’re fundamentally changed due to the circumstances is not necessarily the place to start.
“In the midst of a tragedy or life-altering experience, we’re experiencing all kinds of new thoughts, judgements and emotions,” he said. “Things on a scale we haven’t necessarily encountered before, and that can feel overwhelming. And yet we’re still the same us that was there before.”
This new reality was difficult to comprehend, yet as Regts mentions, I was fundamentally the same person but an added layer of a painful experience. Regts suggests re-focusing to the ideas and things that are important to you. This will begin to help you glue the pieces of your life back together.
“The ‘glue’ in our life is what matters and that doesn’t change,” he explained. “Even in instances where people that are important to us are no longer there, there is still an action of that relationship mattering and being important or meaningful to us.”
By incorporating what is important to you – both before and after a life-changing experience – you can begin to figure out how to move forward while also carrying the pain.
My mom was the glue in my family so I had to learn new ways to stay in touch and involved in the things that mattered to me. I found ways to cherish the memory of that relationship, celebrate her life, and instill her legacy within my children. Over the years, I have slowly repaired and re-pieced my life until it was whole, albeit a bit different and with fragile, reinforced areas.
The visual representation of kintsugi helped me accept those scars and imperfections of life. To understand that our faults, challenges or cracks are meant to be hidden. These repaired scars on display highlight our strength, beauty, and resiliency. Simply it is an outward show that you’ve lived a full life with highs, lows, and all the in-betweens.
The translation of kintsugi is often referred to as “beauty in brokenness,” but Regts feels that is an incorrect statement.
“I would take exception to the term brokenness and I would call it humanness,” said Regts. “The assumption with brokenness is we were something different before, but the whole time we’ve been human.”
The human experience takes all the pieces – beautiful and painful – to create a masterpiece of spiderweb scars highlighting a complex, vibrant life. My life experiences make me stop to savor a cotton candy-colored sunrise, appreciate a hike in the mountains, or dance to my favorite song. It makes the highs feel even more special when compared to the lows I’ve survived. Most importantly, those pieces – scars and all – make you and me truly unique!
Life can shatter into pieces for a variety of reasons, but there are always people willing to help you pick up the pieces. If you need assistance in putting the pieces back together, please contact U.S. Naval Hospital Behavioral Health at DSN 727-3408 or commercial, +34 956-82-3408, contact a FFSC counselor at DSN 727-3232 or commercial +34 956-82-3232, or visit MilitaryOneSource.
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| Date Taken: | 09.16.2024 |
| Date Posted: | 09.16.2024 09:00 |
| Story ID: | 480936 |
| Location: | ES |
| Web Views: | 17 |
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This work, Picking up the Pieces: Creating Kintsugi out of your Life, by Courtney Pollock, identified by DVIDS, must comply with the restrictions shown on https://www.dvidshub.net/about/copyright.
