Photo By Sgt. Joshua Oller | U.S. Army Soldiers assigned to the 3rd Combat Aviation Brigade (CAB), 3rd Infantry...... read more read more
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Trees are shedding their leaves, the sun is hiding its light behind the clouds and the grass matches the color of an ant colony’s dirt hills. Everything feels different. As a day begins, we find our shoes and boots are heavier than before as we walk out the front door. The material of my uniform is chilled and crunchy against my skin. Has clothing always been so thin that the wind seems to slither between the seams? As a breeze pushes against every step I take, I feel a heavy, depressing weight compounding the effort dragging me backward. When colors shift with this season, I feel like it’s not just a scene for the eyes to examine but for us to look deeper within.
Inside, I feel so empty. This isn’t normal for me. Didn’t I eat breakfast? I always do. I’ll have it with a coffee to ensure I have an extra boost in the mornings. Maybe I feel drained because I often fail to capture a full night’s rest. If I dream, it’s of my family and friends whom I haven’t seen in quite a while. My heart depresses further beneath my ribs as I think of how it must feel for my brothers and sisters in arms serving overseas. I’m saddened by the thought of those who are working during this season instead of having a break to go home.
Workdays seem to stretch beyond normal hours to the point where daily tasks blend together, it’s overwhelming. I watch time tick by at a snail’s pace, yet it seems there aren’t enough hours in a day. When I get to my barracks room at the end of the duty day, there is only time to shower, eat and hope for better sleep tonight. I scream into a pillow and cry until I can’t breathe. I have sorrowful thoughts wrapping around my mind tighter than the blankets I snuggle with.
On the weekends, I choose to catch up on lost sleep instead of taking my usual drive out to a park, hanging out with friends, or going to see a movie. When these colors shift from bright to dim and grassy to barren, my energy burns out faster than gas in the tank of a frosted over sedan during winter.
As we examine the scene within us during this season’s depressing time of year, we often find that the brilliant red of our blood is now a muddy brown and the cotton candy pink of our brains, a rusty orange. Too much coffee and even more alcohol, drown out the 60% of water our bodies are meant to be composed of, hindering our judgment, deepening this bottomless sorrowful pit and sometimes causing harm not only to ourselves but to those around us.
I realize that I am experiencing seasonal depression and it scares me. I want to escape but lack the energy to even try. I think about expressing my feelings, but struggle to find the words because this isn’t like me. During warmer months, I am a blossoming field of flowers. The kind that someone goes to collect into a bouquet to give to a loved one. Love. Despite this shadow lurking beneath my skin, when my romantic partner calls they somehow draw out a bright laughter from within. We connect through Facetime and I am shown a radiant sunrise that we watch together full of golden yellows and a fire's orange. This connection we share warms my depressed, achy heart, restoring its vibrational rhythm. At this moment, I feel a joy stronger than coffee with a buzz alcohol can’t stimulate.
While we can feel swallowed in this season's depressions, we are held and kept warm by the love of those around us whether family, friends, coworkers or comrades. There is also a multitude of resources the Army provides to support Soldiers, Civilians and Families. For example, the Military and Family Life Counseling program helps individuals adjust to difficulties and manage stress. Another fruitful seed in this garden is the Better Opportunities for Single Soldiers program that organizes fun events, such as white water rafting, bowling, volunteer opportunities, sports and more. In case of an emergency, there is a Drunk Driving Prevention program that provides a safe way for those who go out for drinks to responsibly make it back home. Maintaining communication with Soldiers and Families ensures that we will excel in our jobs, feel a sense of belonging and build successful lives in the Army and our communities.
It is important to bring awareness to seasonal depression, so that we can discover ways to help us overcome it. For me, exercising, eating healthy, listening to uplifting music, journaling and spending time in nature are other ways to improve my mental health during this time of year. I also enjoy making a list of all the reasons why I am grateful for the people and things in my life. By embracing the things that motivate and make us happy, leaning on the support of others and utilizing the resources made available to us, I believe there is hope that we can overcome this season's depression.
| Date Taken: | 12.07.2023 |
| Date Posted: | 12.08.2023 10:44 |
| Story ID: | 459426 |
| Location: | FORT STEWART, GEORGIA, US |
| Hometown: | O'FALLON, ILLINOIS, US |
| Web Views: | 104 |
| Downloads: | 1 |
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